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Archive for January 2014

When I fundraised

Update: Thank's to everyone who helped us reach enough money to get two electric wheelchairs.

I've fund-raised in the past. I've volunteered at fund raising events and a couple of years ago I did a Charity Skydive. Today though I'm going to write about my current efforts to raise enough money to buy electric wheelchairs for me and my wife.


I'm giving medium resolution and watermark free versions of the twelve calendar design prints for you, yes you, to download. Simply donate as little as $1 and you get access to 12 jpgs! Or donate $0.02 / 1p. If 1,000,000 people gave me just 2 cents. I'd be done. *Not really since PayPal take a fee. Visit the wheelchair fund to take advantage of this. Or to learn how you can buy a high resolution print! Calendars will be coming soon!

I found this self portrait I did when I was a teenager. I can barely hold a pen to write now.

When I get irritated

These are the top 10 things that really annoy me as a wheelchair user. If you have a disability I'd be interested to read your comments. If you are a walkerer what do you think of this list like what if you were out in a group and someone you were with did one of these things?

Parking in a disabled space or use a badge/card when there is no right or need to.
Like overweight people. It's not just the large though it's the lazy, the inconsiderate, the ignorant, the self entitled, etc. Yes the morbidly obese are actually allowed to get a blue badge here in the UK. The reason the disabled bays are wider is so the cripples wheelchair can be safely reformed and positioned for them to transfer into. It causes a hazard when I am in a car and am forced to alight in the path of other vehicles. They are closer to the door not so lazy people can burn less calories so the maintaining of a fat ass is even easier but so that people with mobility difficulties can reach the door without risk of collapse.

Having to register with the local government (council) that you are disabled.
What is this a Police State? Back when George Bush Jr, what a funny guy, was in charge of the most powerful nation in the world. The then US secretary of state, Condoleezza Rice, had a "town square test"; if you can walk to the centre of your town and publicly criticise your government without fear of arrest, you live in a free country. Britain fails that test so come and liberate this once great nation. I remember when it was called Great Britain. I wonder how many countries are actually secretly under authoritarian rule now.

Having to fumble around getting my wallet and bus card out on a bus because the jobsworth bus driver has to ensure that I am entitled to a concessionary fare despite the fact that I seem to have strange wheels sprouting from my hips.
It wastes everyone's time and the other commuters stare at me in disbelief that it takes me so long. Sorry I can't propel myself and get my wallet out. I'm not a fucking magician. I guess I should have someone with me, I get it free, right. No it's not like that because of the idiots who live off welfare (see below) who piss away the entire budget. So the local government is always out of cash for social services.

The assumption I'm jobless just because I can't walk.
It takes away my right not to be prejudged. Infact I also dislike being congratulated for menial tasks like when I am out shopping or eating at a restaurant with my wife. Who is often referred to as 'your special friend' by people who see us together.

The welfare scroungers.
I don't mean people who are temporarily out of work and who genuinely try to find jobs or the people with disabilities that are, wrongly, left out of society because of the failure of policy makers. I mean the scumbags who choose that way of life. I accept these aren't the lowest of the low there are the parasitical politicians and the aristocrats who receive stupid amounts of money as part of the Agricultural sit on your ass scheme. Wasting public funds does have a negative effect for wheelchair users. How many trains are accessible? I've only ever been on one and to be fair the only reason that the Heathrow Express is accessible is so people can use trolleys to push their luggage about. I don't consider the current situation, of having to faf around with assistance at least 24 hours in advance and strict compliance to schedules that inevitably get messed up by leaves on the line, accessible. Outside of London how many buses are truly or even partially accessible?

When walkerers use disabled toilets/elevators.
They are there for a reason. No it's not so that there is no queue, I really have no issue with waiting for a disabled person to use the facilities. However, when I've been waiting for ages and then a, typically burgundy haired, young female comes walking out adjusting her shoulder strap on her bra, it's blood boiling. Using elevators because its less effort. Is annoying not because of the unnecessary delay but because of the wear and tear the use causes to the machinery.

People who don't ask if I would like help.
I don't mean the people who just push me about without asking. It's a bit weird but their heart is in the right place. I mean the people who don't even bother to ask. The ones who just stare at you like it's some sort of street entertainment service I'm providing. "OMG it's like one of those cripples! Lets wait around for no reason to see how he manages to open that door while balancing that drink between his thighs."

Talking over my head and ignoring me.
Sometimes this happens like whenever I am with someone who is standing up. If and when they finally acknowledge I exist they will use that voice. The one usually deployed to talk to a preschooler who is as cute as a button.

When people are condescending.
It's a very judgemental world that we live in. Usually if someone doesn't know a wheelchair user directly they'll rely on prejudicial stereotypes. Like all stereotypes it will be a caricature. There is no such thing as an archetypical wheelchair user. Everyone is unique just like everyone else. Assuming you know best because your legs function within the parameters required to walk is really not a rational rationale.

Being left out.
So what if the venue isn't accessible. I'll work it out.

There are a lot more things too. I'll probably expand on this list sometime.

All New Monkey News: 1

This is a new series. It's about as original as rockbusters so if anyone from RGS productions wants to play silly copyright games with me again this time I wont take it lying down. I was one of the loyal fans who made animations to accompany the original monkey news recordings. Only to receive copyright strikes on my YouTube channel because RGS had decided to get them animated by professionals. Let's not get bogged down in the legality of enforcing copyright claims against fair use of audible detritus.

For those uninitiated to the fantastic work Karl Pilkington blessed humanity with. Check out these copyright infringing search results on YouTube.


So, alright, this isn't new news but it happened. There was this group of monkeys knockin' about in America somewhere. I think it was New York. In the olden days. Not that old though. When everything was black and white. What they did was they set up this salon. You know for cutting hair and that. But it wasn't for Humans. They looked after these pets, right. People used to bring in their cats and pay the little chimp fella and they'd go "right, we'll see you in an hour." And they would give it a brush and a wash and stuff like to make it feel all relaxed and clean.

Business was going really well for them. Like profits were way up and everyone was recommending them to all their friends. Like when the pet is gettin' a bit stinky and depressed they'd take it to the chimp salon and then their pet would come back all happy and clean.

I don't know what they are up to now.

Anyway here is the footage.


If you have any chimp news you think I need to report on please use the contact me section above.
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When I puked in a French restaurant

I had decided I wasn't going to write this post - even though my wife wanted me to. I throw up. No one notices. I've been stealthily depositing undigested, gloopy, stuff since I was 17. I remember that time well I threw up into a carrier (plastic shopping) bag during art class. Luckily the pukeline was just below the holes that are supposed to prevent suffocation. So there was no leakage.

I wasn't going to post it not because I'm embarrassed but because it's literally the sort of pukey drivel I've been trying not to write. However, aside from a couple of +1s and some comments I've received very little feedback about what you want to read.

On the 21st December we had tickets for the original, and best, Die Hard. Which they were showing at the cinema near us. We took a taxi to the complex of shops, leisure stuff, and restaurants.
Before the film we decided to indulge in some French food.

Sacrebleu
We rolled into Brasserie Blanc. In the Francophone world a brasserie is a type of restaurant with a relaxed setting, little did they know that relaxed atmosphere was about to be shaken up. Brasserie is weirdly similar to brassiere in spelling. I wonder if anyone wonders in expecting a lingerie shop. We sat down, er I mean rolled up to a table, looked at the menu and decided we would be going there on Valentines day. They serve Chateaubriand steak and baked Alaska. Even though I was sick (and they still charged full price) I still really want to eat there again. It was probably nothing to do with my starter of Pumpkin soup and main of 'Award winning burger'. It was a weird mismatch of flavours that I was reminded of shortly after finishing my burger as it led the escape up my oesophagus. Luckily it wasn't projectile. But it was quickly followed by more. I was pinching my lips together to prevent it spraying out. My wife handed me a napkin. I knew that wouldn't work so I frantically looked for a suitable vessel to spew into. I found myself thinking of this. I quickly formulated a plan and with my one remaining free hand I tipped my few remaining Pomme Frites from their dish into my wife's dish of Pomme Frites and held the dish up to my lips. I quickly let go of my lips as another load of puke reached escape velocity from my stomach. I was milliseconds from disaster. Vomiting from the nose is never pretty. The dish was full. I carefully placed it on the table and covered it with a napkin.

My wife discretely, and apologetically, informed the waiter. We skipped desert, paid, left a tip, lamented over the horror that awaited the dish washer, and left for the movie.

To be fair to the restaurant it wasn't their fault; I throw up really easily thanks to being used to throwing up often in the past. The food was good and I'll be eating there again once my disguise arrives.
The movie was great it's a Christmas classic.

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When I became slightly more radioactive than usual

A few days ago I went to the Nuclear Medicine part of the hospital to take a radio-iodine capsule which will kill the thyroid nodules I have. It will also probably destroy more of my thyroid than it is supposed to.
That's ok though because the pill I took to suppress the thyroid was a drug but the pill that I'll take in the future, maybe, is a hormone.

I have drugs for my heart problems though so it's a bit silly. What exactly was the point?
  • Small chance it'll destroy the right amount of Thyroid
  • Maybe it'll destroy too little in which case I am expected to repeat the feat
  • Most likely it'll destroy too much Thyroid and I'll need to take tablets daily

It's a world of bullshit.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs
courtesy of wikipedia
We have been watching Channel 4's Benefit Street which is an interesting programme. I suppose it is quite entertaining to sit at home and Judge people less fortunate than you. They aren't really less fortunate than me though. They aren't Physically disabled; they are just unable to hold down a job. I guess that is a disability. It's a grey area of who is less fortunate.

What irritates me in my day to day life is the presumption or even prejudice that I am in fact an unemployed genital free Ken doll. When I was at the hospital for the nuclear infusion the sister/nurse/nuclear scientist was running through the list of safety precautions that I must abide by for varying times. (For example I have to sleep on our sofa until the 4th of February.) She said  "I don't know if it is possible for you..." I knew she'd fallen into the old disabled people surely don't have sex trap. "Try to avoid fathering any children for 6 months." She wasn't deliberately ignorant, if one can even be deliberately ignorant, what I mean is I didn't perceive any nastiness.

Speaking of nastiness. The UKIP councillor who defended his stance of blaming recent storms and heavy floods across Britain on the legalisation of gay marriage has been suspended from UKIP. Yesterday they defended his right to spout nonsense but today they have remembered that Freedom of Speech is not a real thing. I wonder how this turned out... Unbelievably after 12 days he was eating again! Hunger strike is a more effective form of protest than self immolation. It was probably coincidental though.

When I got out of hospital after my heart failure episode I left university and for a while I was unemployed. Unfortunately being in a wheelchair just finding work can be next to impossible. Unison say for every job 4 people apply. I tried to get the local job centre to help me find something but unfortunately the people working there tend to write off people with a disability before they even know what sort of work you can do. I have quite a vast range of skill sets including video editing, 3D modelling, image editing, and both online and offline programming. At the time I was au-fait with industry standard software like Premiere, 3DSMAX, Maya, Photoshop, and Final Cut Pro. I also told the woman I was seeing that I was able to do less specialised work like general office work, basically I would have taken any job except manual work which I physically can't do. But the job centre is more than happy to just let people sign on. Otherwise they'd all be jobless themselves.

When I was out of work I used to go to a centre for disabled people every week. Unfortunately I couldn't get my head around it. The staff set tasks that were without any purpose other than wasting time. It reminded me of second/high school. Except there was no syllabus, meaningful qualifications, or raison d'être. I wondered why the local council did not support it properly so that community magazines and other council stuff could be designed, printed, and distributed from there or meals on wheels could be prepared there. This is getting a way away from what I wanted to say.

Back to Maslow's hierarchy which is, I believe, best visualised as a pyramid. Without a job you probably aren't going to feel complete and will find yourself dipping in and out of depression. Except the kind of people on Benefit Street who have an unbelievably high feeling of entitlement. Unfortunately this is a problem created by policy makers. Welfare should not be free money so people can spend all day shopping and all night drinking to prop up a false economy. Welfare should be about helping those less fortunate find their way to participate in society.

There is no such thing as a dead end job. If you're good at it you will advance. Make a job a career.

When I looked at electric wheelchairs

This is a list of electronic wheelchairs that I think offer some unique features and I intend to try them out to see if they are actually useful. Except for the last one. I'll write a review when I've tried them.

The thing about dissability is the varying level of disability. This is a list of wheelchairs that interest me. It's not a list of wheelchairs I recommend. Buying an electric wheelchair is quite a big purchase. These machines cost the equivalent of a small car. Infact most 5 door cars cost less than these chairs!
That is an advert... Well don't bother buying one. Especially
if it's because you see this. These cars are nothing special.

When I started to use a wheelchair a few years ago. I liked that I used a manual chair. I also liked that I found quite a unique wheelchair. The Trekinetic K2. It was the 264th one made. It's a bit more common now though. 600 exist in their various configurations. I still use the Trekinetic when I go outside. I like how a lot of people notice it. The next big purchase I'm planning to make is for a power chair. I'll still use a manual indoor and on nice days outside. However, a power chair will benefit me in many ways. As always aesthetics and technology come before silly things like practicality and erm other sensibilities.

Observer 4x4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pbDIlq-OpM
http://www.a4wproducts.com/a4w-observer-4x4

The awesome thing about this is that it can manage stairs and virtually any terrain. It's pretty ugly though. "You can't polish a turd" but maybe if I removed the plastic, replaced bits with shiny metals like titanium and used some carbon fibre. Fix the wheels and totally change the seat. Possibly it'd be ok. I'm torn between one of these and the...

Trekinetic GTE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQUksVhep6Y
http://www.trekinetic.com/GTE.php

It looks like a modern wheelchair should. However, the seat is not 'good' for your back according to able bodied wheelchair 'experts'. It's not an every day chair really. I'd only use it to go out and I don't think it would manage on stairs so well. It'd certainly cope with uneven terrain though.

Four Power Four
http://www.fourpowerfour.com/video-4x4-wheelchair-4power4.asp
http://www.fourpowerfour.com

This chair seems interesting but it's not quite as versatile as the Observer 4x4 (which is better value for money). Again it's 4x4. Which is cool. Though the angles are not good enough for most stairs and the roll-bar looks ridiculous. it'd be fun to roll down an incline and test out the roll bar which I would expect I'd do quite often.

Segway Chair
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdLZwl254AM

This is a bit of an ooh interesting thing. It has potential... for serious injury/death. I don't think I would feel comfortable trusting something like this. What if one wheel catches a wall and it spins out and goes crazy? We've all seen able bodied people fall off Segways. And then there is this...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-11416654
However, there is this,

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