YesWheely

You know that Turner prize that all those art people are like always doing. Every now and then it's all big on the news. Like that guy that hunged up a shark and the woman with that couch that was a bit of a state. Well I researched this thing that I'm going to tell you and a few years ago there was this new artist that no one knew. He was quite a short fella and he was always wearing one of those hats and some sunglasses. Even when he's inside and London isn't that sunny so it was really weird. Another strange thing about him was that he didn't ever use paintbrushes, he like used to drink a bit of paint and then spit it on the canvas.

Well it was, actually I remember now, 1989 and this Artist was like a wildcard entry because he won some contest. You know like they have in golf and poker. So they are doing the heats in front of the judges and they have to paint like still lifes so, er, some flowers and a bit of fruit and that. 'Cause this was before the modern art stuff so they were all painting. Except in a few of the heats there were people who only drawed with a pencil.

Anyway the little fella, I think it was called Michael, got through to the final. At the final they had changed it around a bit and they weren't doin' still life. It was one of those nude women that they were drawing. Well there were, er lets see, tsh, tsh, tsh, about four artists in the final. Michael, the little fella, wasn't painting his canvas though he couldn't stop looking at this nude woman. He had his head tipped down so he was looking at her over his glasses. The time was ticking away because there was a time limit on the final.

He like walked up to her and the judges were like 'Oi, what are you doing?' and he like put his hand up to say like calm down it's ok. So he is right up close to this woman who was nude and he lowered his glasses and gave her a little wink. She like smiled back at him without smiling cause she couldn't move.

Well Michael went back to his easel, the judges all did like a tut, because he kept looking back at her as he was walking away. So Michael walked into his easel and it like fell on top of him somehow. The bottles of paint like splashed over his blank canvas and dripped all over his hat. The organisers quickly went up to help him. They pulled everythin' off him and helped him up. One of the guys noticed the paint on his Trilby so he says "pass us your hat, I'll give it a quick wipe for you." But Michael shook his head. The guy is like "no really, I just want to clean it for you" and he grabbed the hat. Everyone gasped.

He was a little chimp. Anyway the time just ran out. He didn't win and he left with the lady who did the modelling.

This is the picture: